Unlovable

When I was a little girl, I used to call myself 'Pug' because of this book. The dog's name is  Unlovable because he has a wrinkly face, can't do what the 'big dogs' do, and is too small to do anything. He is different, and he is Unlovable. 

This was my favorite book when I was little because I felt like I was the pug. I wasn't as good as others, I couldn't do the same things, and I was different. 

Word to Live By

God's Messanger

So, my last post was about success, and my struggle with identifying what I wanted success to be.. A lot of the people in my life have told me that money and materials lead to success. I mean, look at the world. You're to have a big house, perfect family, great job, and be able to do it all by the time you're 22.
I have been struggling with other people's expectations of my success. I was supposed to have the nicest house, make the most money, and be the smartest person while doing it... That's unrealistic.. anyway..

I was sitting at a table after work.. .This Native American man came up to me and  started talking to me..

'You look sad' he started...
'No, I'm actually pretty happy... I just got off work.'
'No, there is something bothering you, your eyes say it.'

At this point, I was pretty nervous.. I was sitting in this booth with this man who was now so close to me I could smell his cologne, and he was telling me I looked upset...

'Are you going to college?'
'Yes, well, yea... I'm going to..'
'Can I tell you something?' he asked, as if he was all of the sudden too shy to speak, 'You will only be happy if you do what you want to do.. You don't need to do what anyone else wants you to do. If you follow your heart, and your dreams, you'll end up where you need to be. If you follow their heart, you'll be no different then them. You have your own purpose... Can I pray for you?'

He proceeded to pray for me in his native language, and then translated it for me- the lords prayer, followed by a blessing of wisdom and guidance.

I thought it was weird, but then I started thinking about it more... what if God sent him to tell me that I would find my way, only if I trusted myself.... I certainly think God sent me a reminder, even in the oddest of places..

The Unraveling Success

I've stopped and looked at people a lot lately. I tend to be a 'people watcher' and I love to sit and note how people interact with each other. I like the idea of everyone having a different story, one that I may never know. People are very complex. That draws my attention to them.
I notice aching people in an instant. I notice people who are hurt, discomforted, and people who are in an unpleasant state.  I often think to myself, how many of these people are upset because of a situation they put themselves in?

A couple of weeks ago, I decided something- I'm going to Bible college.
I had planned to go to business school. Though I can still do this it will be a completely different avenue. I will go with ministry in mind. I decided that I didn't want to be slaving away at a high stake finance job while I could be using the ministry at hand as a business- Beautifully Made. I am going into full time ministry with my business.

I decided this while I was looking at a couple of people in my life, but I'll only share one of their stories.

I have a friend who has been dedicated to his work since day 1. He has been working day in and day out at a finance job that he really didn't like. One day, he woke up and realized something- his daughter had turned 16 the day before.... He didn't wish her happy birthday on her sweet 16... he missed his daughter's birthday..
He asked himself, ' Am I happy?' and obviously his answer was no. He realized how much of life he was missing, and it was too late to take it back. In his late 40's he was realizing that he missed out on all of his life so far...

I don't want that to be me. I want to enjoy life, and I don't want to be a slave to money, people, material things, or the world. I want to be a servant... A servant of God, His people, and the gifts He gave me. I don't want to wake up in my 40's and wonder where my life had gone. I want to be there for all of it.
I don't want to wake up some day, and realize that my 'success' is superficial... Unraveling the truth behind success was important to me- money and materials aren't going to be what you wish you'd spent more time with when you are looking back on life...

Don't You Dare

Our God is Bigger

Do you ever feel like there just isn't hope for you? Like maybe there is too much you have done or been through in your life, and you feel like you are just our of God's reach. Maybe you have some of the darkest secrets about yourself that you just can't seem to admit to anyone. I know what that's like- feeling like you are so insignificant, unlovable, and ultimately unable to be saved. Sometimes we get so down about ourselves and who we are that we forget that the Lord of lords, and King of Kings is on our side. We forget that He is bigger than any sin we have committed, or experienced. We need to constantly remind ourselves that He is lord over all of our life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's hard to hand your life over to someone, and it's even harder to feel worthy enough for this help. But, He knows we need it.

Uncommon Truth

BE Uncommon.

This reminds me everyday that yes, I am different. I am not of this world, but I'm in this world. I am different from many of the people I come across, and that's okay. God mad me to be me, and to do things that only I can do. It's okay to be uncommon if it's for a Higher Purpose. It reminds me that no, not everyone will 'get' me, but that's okay. If I'm allowing myself to be used for God, then that's all that matters.