Today is valentines day. I got two stuffed monkeys from my mom, some chocolates, and a bouquet of flowers. It made me feel so special. My coworkers were all in a good mood, and we had fun working. I was lucky. But, all day long, there was this string tugging at my heart. As the day progressed, it tugged harder and harder.
It all started with a picture posted on instagram. My friend's father had put 18 red roses in her car on the dash board, and a box of chocolates, and then given her a bracelet that said 'daughter' that was in the shape of half of a heart, and he had one that said 'father'. His was the other half of the heart. This was a really sweet gesture. I envied that. My gift from my father was a two sentenced email. And then we got into a fight.
If my dad can't love me, then how is a boyfriend going to? I am really analytical of myself. I blame myself. I can help other people, but can't seem to take my own advice. I get attached to people, but don't have expectations of them. When they mess up, that just validates my point. Today was one of those days where you just wanted to blink and it would be over.
I know you probably don't want to read my complaints. After all, I'm who you're supposed to come to when you need to talk. But sometimes you need to heal the healers. And my form of healing is through writing. So I wrote something.
Heartsick Valentines
It's a heartsick valentines.
The old man is sitting in the booth. Today is his first without her. The mom watching her children play, it's their first with him gone. The family across the street will burry their father tomorrow. The girl behind the counter wishes he'd make today different. The woman in the black misses the bouquet. The man in the hospital room sits next to her bed, stroking her hair.
It's a heartsick valentines.
He walks out, knowing this is the last time he'll see her. The teacher tries not to cry as her student's laugh with joy. The man wrapping the flowers for customers just placed the ones for his mom on her grave. The woman at the coffee shop waits for her phone to ring. Waking her from this nightmare. She hope's she wasn't wrong about him.
It's a heartsick valentines.
Why can't today be different? Why can't we have one more chance to show each other what we feel? Why can't we just have a second chance to pretend like we didn't mess all of this up? Today was supposed to be happy. People are suffering. How do you take a moment to remember your love when you're running out of time?
Why is it a heartsick valentines?
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