Unlovable

When I was a little girl, I used to call myself 'Pug' because of this book. The dog's name is  Unlovable because he has a wrinkly face, can't do what the 'big dogs' do, and is too small to do anything. He is different, and he is Unlovable. 

This was my favorite book when I was little because I felt like I was the pug. I wasn't as good as others, I couldn't do the same things, and I was different. 

Word to Live By

God's Messanger

So, my last post was about success, and my struggle with identifying what I wanted success to be.. A lot of the people in my life have told me that money and materials lead to success. I mean, look at the world. You're to have a big house, perfect family, great job, and be able to do it all by the time you're 22.
I have been struggling with other people's expectations of my success. I was supposed to have the nicest house, make the most money, and be the smartest person while doing it... That's unrealistic.. anyway..

I was sitting at a table after work.. .This Native American man came up to me and  started talking to me..

'You look sad' he started...
'No, I'm actually pretty happy... I just got off work.'
'No, there is something bothering you, your eyes say it.'

At this point, I was pretty nervous.. I was sitting in this booth with this man who was now so close to me I could smell his cologne, and he was telling me I looked upset...

'Are you going to college?'
'Yes, well, yea... I'm going to..'
'Can I tell you something?' he asked, as if he was all of the sudden too shy to speak, 'You will only be happy if you do what you want to do.. You don't need to do what anyone else wants you to do. If you follow your heart, and your dreams, you'll end up where you need to be. If you follow their heart, you'll be no different then them. You have your own purpose... Can I pray for you?'

He proceeded to pray for me in his native language, and then translated it for me- the lords prayer, followed by a blessing of wisdom and guidance.

I thought it was weird, but then I started thinking about it more... what if God sent him to tell me that I would find my way, only if I trusted myself.... I certainly think God sent me a reminder, even in the oddest of places..

The Unraveling Success

I've stopped and looked at people a lot lately. I tend to be a 'people watcher' and I love to sit and note how people interact with each other. I like the idea of everyone having a different story, one that I may never know. People are very complex. That draws my attention to them.
I notice aching people in an instant. I notice people who are hurt, discomforted, and people who are in an unpleasant state.  I often think to myself, how many of these people are upset because of a situation they put themselves in?

A couple of weeks ago, I decided something- I'm going to Bible college.
I had planned to go to business school. Though I can still do this it will be a completely different avenue. I will go with ministry in mind. I decided that I didn't want to be slaving away at a high stake finance job while I could be using the ministry at hand as a business- Beautifully Made. I am going into full time ministry with my business.

I decided this while I was looking at a couple of people in my life, but I'll only share one of their stories.

I have a friend who has been dedicated to his work since day 1. He has been working day in and day out at a finance job that he really didn't like. One day, he woke up and realized something- his daughter had turned 16 the day before.... He didn't wish her happy birthday on her sweet 16... he missed his daughter's birthday..
He asked himself, ' Am I happy?' and obviously his answer was no. He realized how much of life he was missing, and it was too late to take it back. In his late 40's he was realizing that he missed out on all of his life so far...

I don't want that to be me. I want to enjoy life, and I don't want to be a slave to money, people, material things, or the world. I want to be a servant... A servant of God, His people, and the gifts He gave me. I don't want to wake up in my 40's and wonder where my life had gone. I want to be there for all of it.
I don't want to wake up some day, and realize that my 'success' is superficial... Unraveling the truth behind success was important to me- money and materials aren't going to be what you wish you'd spent more time with when you are looking back on life...

Don't You Dare

Our God is Bigger

Do you ever feel like there just isn't hope for you? Like maybe there is too much you have done or been through in your life, and you feel like you are just our of God's reach. Maybe you have some of the darkest secrets about yourself that you just can't seem to admit to anyone. I know what that's like- feeling like you are so insignificant, unlovable, and ultimately unable to be saved. Sometimes we get so down about ourselves and who we are that we forget that the Lord of lords, and King of Kings is on our side. We forget that He is bigger than any sin we have committed, or experienced. We need to constantly remind ourselves that He is lord over all of our life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's hard to hand your life over to someone, and it's even harder to feel worthy enough for this help. But, He knows we need it.

Uncommon Truth

BE Uncommon.

This reminds me everyday that yes, I am different. I am not of this world, but I'm in this world. I am different from many of the people I come across, and that's okay. God mad me to be me, and to do things that only I can do. It's okay to be uncommon if it's for a Higher Purpose. It reminds me that no, not everyone will 'get' me, but that's okay. If I'm allowing myself to be used for God, then that's all that matters.

Uncommon Truth

BE Uncommon.

This reminds me everyday that yes, I am different. I am not of this world, but I'm in this world. I am different from many of the people I come across, and that's okay. God mad me to be me, and to do things that only I can do. It's okay to be uncommon if it's for a Higher Purpose. It reminds me that no, not everyone will 'get' me, but that's okay. If I'm allowing myself to be used for God, then that's all that matters.

Foolish Expectations

I'm a finicky person. I contradict myself in multiple ways. Let me explain. 

I am a  really reclusive person. I hate letting people too far in, and I hate having to explain things that I feel because I think that if I do, then the true me won't be liked. But I love someone who will pursue me. I love when someone wants to get to know me.

 I want nothing more in life then to be looked at by someone who says, 'wow, I want to know more.' It doesn't have to be romantically. I want someone to want me in their life. I want them to see me and think ' I won't let her get away. I won't stop until I know more.' and I want to deeply know I matter to someone, without a doubt. 

 I want someone else to take the first step. It would be nice if they followed my script that I'm sure to have already written and read in my head 100000 times, but I want them to start it. I don't want to feel like I'm pushing myself on them. I want to know that they like me enough to pursue the first step in me. 

I want someone to tell me their feelings for me, without me having to tell them. Someone who can look at me and see that I need to hear that I have value, and someone accepts me for me. 

I know this is completely absurd, because of the fact that I am me, and for some reason, this just doesn't happen with me. But it's nice to sit and dream of a day where I can have a close enough relationship with someone that they will want to pursue me...I pursue people all the time. I look into the deeper picture with them, and I look and try to find things to love about them. But once I get attached, I realize that they probably won't do or feel the same thing, and I'll end up being hurt out of foolish expectations. It would be nice for once to feel like they wanted me just as much as I want them.. 

Me, a perfectionist.

I am. Most of the time it gets the best of me. I feel like if I portray this picture of a girl who has everything together, then maybe people won't see my shame, blame, or self-judgement.  I hate being told what I'm doing wrong, or being told that I did  a little thing incorrectly because I will take that information, and tear it apart trying to figure out how I could have mad an error. I fear that people will think less of me if they see my flaws, and I don't feel I've achieved anything if I had troubles along the way. I don't count something as a success unless I did it perfectly, and spotlessly. I hate when I make a mistake and people notice because that means that I have disappointed not only myself, but others as well. I cover things up that I feel I've mistaken on. I accept blame that isn't mine even though no one knows I do it. I do it because I feel like if someone else deserves it, then I surely do. I blame myself, I beat myself up about it, I analyze every possible mistake, I internalize, and I despise myself until I feel the error has been made up for. I long for reassurance that I'm doing something right, but even when I get it, I don't feel deserving. I can't allow myself to accept imperfection, but that's pretty much what my life is because I can't meet my own standards. This wasn't brought on to me by my parents, my siblings, my coworkers or bosses, I didn't pick this up from school, or anything. I don't know how I got this way, but it hinders me from a lot of things. If I feel that I can't achieve something, I won't even try. Whether I could or couldn't have done it, I would have rather suffered the repercussions of not trying, then trying and failing. I believe myself to be a failure, and I believe that if something is less then perfect, then it's not good enough for my own self satisfaction. I know I should do better, but I can't get myself to do better. I don't know what's worse, disappointing myself, or someone else.


This is something that stems from everything that I've been through. I can't get myself to believe that I am acceptable because of my flaws. I know that this isn't fair, and I've learned to not turn emotional problems into physical scars, but sometimes, life builds up so much speed, that I hit a brick wall going 100 miles per hour, and end up cracking. This is my crack, blaming myself for a days worth of someone else's mistakes...

Fear

What is something that you fear? Is there something that just the thought of can make you get the chills? 

Maybe you are afraid of deep water, or maybe the dark. Maybe you shudder at the thought of spiders, or clowns. But lets be honest, there are multiple types of fear. The fear of physical objects, such as spiders and clowns. The fear of your surroundings, like being in the dark, or being in really deep water. 

But what about the fears that go deeper then that? Where do they come from? Where does the fear of loss come into play? The fear of rejection, and the fear of failure? What caused those fears to surface? 

At some point in our life, someone with an opinion on the matter either told us about an experience that formed an opinion, or we had an experience that formed an opinion. Maybe you got bit by a spider, or your cousin told you about how scared she was at the circus because of the clowns. 

But the deeper fears.. that's what is alarming. The fact that so many people can relate to each other through their deepest fears. We suffer a loss, or heartbreak. We fail something, or we get left behind. That's the fear that will define us. The fear of spiders is nothing compared to the fear of rejection, and the fear of deep water seems so acceptable next to the fear of failing anything. 

I think that fear is something that is instilled in us from day one, and though we know that some fears are completely irrational (like the fear of monsters under the bed), we still believe with all our might that they are real.

 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."  

We learn as we get older that the fear of monsters under the bed is phony, there is nothing to be afraid of. But we hold on to deeper fears. Our fears don't diminish, they just get older with us. Somehow, they take root. But as 2 Timothy says, God is not the creator of fear. He doesn't fill us with fear, and He doesn't make us timid. Once we grasp the ability to be able to trust God with our fears, I think is the time when we realize that God can release us of the fears. 

Hey, there.

Hey, there. 

Yes you. 

The person reading this; 

I want you to know something very important. 

I am always here for you. Day and night. Whether you feel it trivial, or complex, I'm here. I don't care if I am in a dead sleep, and I get woken up with a call, email, text, facebook message. Anything. I am here. 

Especially in the middle of the night, when your eyes are heavy from either crying, or lack of sleep, or both, I will be there. 

You don't have to walk alone. And I think I've made it clear that I might not have a worded answer to give you, but I can help. I can listen, and I can encourage. 

One thing that I want Beautifully made to be, is open. I don't want anyone to feel like Ii'm saying something I want to help, but in reality, I'm completely inaccessible. That happens all to often. They will tell you, but they are never truly there to help. 

Well I will be :)

Listen To Me

There are somethings that you just can't explain. You can't find the words to express some of the things that need to be addressed. You can't always help if you don't have an answer to something. I have found this true in the work Kaylie and I do. It's hard for us to always have words ready when someone comes to us. You never know what they are going to say, so you never know what your response will be.
I want to stress how important just listening is. Sometimes all you have to do is sit back, and allow the person to use you to get all they need to say out. All you would have to do is be there, show you care, listen. Just listen. Your listening ears can be the most important things to people. I can't describe the power of just having listening ears there. It can make so much of a difference knowing that you have someone there to help and listen when you need it. People are dynamic creatures, and sometimes all they need is the power of knowing you're there. You're there.

From the time my parents got divorced, until around the time I was 14, I went through a really strong period of depression. I shut people out. I caved in around myself. You don't know the total feeling of loneliness until you are alone. I made myself that way. When my world fell apart I did too. Rather then admitting I needed help, I walked away from people who wanted so desperately to help me. I still do that to this day. I was guarding myself, so when people would ask how I was doing, I would say fine. But I needed someone to look me in the eyes and really ask me, 'are you okay?' and know that I wasn't just fine. I needed  them there. I needed them to talk. I needed them to listen. People go through this everyday. There are people out there who need someone so bad that they could be on their breaking point, and all they need is someone. You can save someone by listening to them. You can help them avoid so much pain by listening to them and being there.

I know that there is a lot going on for people right now. There is hurt everywhere. People are broken daily, and you may be thinking 'I can't listen to everyone' . I'm saying you need to allow yourself to be open to the person you are meant to help. You have to allow them to go through the processes for themselves.  You can't ever hinder someone from grieving. You may not have the right words for everyone, but you have the right words for someone. It may be a friend, family member, someone you have barely talked to before. But there is always someone out there who can use a listening ear. There is someone out there who needs you. You're person will come.

And if you're someone who is waiting to talk, waiting to find your listening ear, reach out. We are here, and there are many many other organizations out there meant specifically to listen. If you need someone to be your person, and if you need to just get things off your chest, reach out. Allow yourself the time to decide when you're ready, and what help you need. You are strong enough to do this. Find someone who will love you and listen no matter what you say to them. It's surprising, but there are still people like that out there. You can find them.

Listen

Teen Suicide

Through starting Beautifully Made, I have been opened up to so much more. Some has been good, and some has been bad. There have been things that I have never even thought about that I have had to learn to deal with.

One thing that we have come across is the prevalence of teen suicide. The rate of teen suicide is alarming. There are teens who  hide their pain and their problems all the way until the day they snap. We have seen this more and more through what we are doing. We have learned about more of the causes that sometimes people don't see.

We want to extend our hand to all of those who have been effected by this. But we have a challenge for you as well - watch what you say. Be careful of what you tell people, how you say it and what you do to them. You never know if you're their breaking point. I'd hate to think that I could be the reason someone didn't want to live anymore. I can't even imagine.

I hope that you take these words into consideration the next time you speak with someone. Make sure your words are pleasant and won't cause anyone harm.

xoxoxo

A day like today

Sometimes, I wonder where I would be if I hadn't been given a second chance. I wan't to tell you a part of my story that isn't easy. But it's real.

When I was young, I went through period of time where I felt alone. I didn't have anyone, and I barricaded my heart, and turned out the light. I ran out of things to tell myself, to try and cope with  a wound so big, I never thought it would heal. I was silent. I stayed silent for years. I let people go. I ruined relationships, and gave up on the wrong things. On a day like to day, I think back to then. I think back to when I would have rather caved in then faced the days again. I think to a day where I fought so hard to seclude myself from my struggles, I ended up secluding myself from the outstretched arms willing to help me. 

On a day like to day, I relive every single moment from the time my world fell apart. I relive the anguish, and the heartbreak. On a day like today, I allow myself to grieve for the time I lost myself. I lost who I was, what I stood for, who I loved, and everything I had wanted. I allow myself to be angry, sad, joyful, and content. But I always remember one thing; I was given a second chance. 

On a day like today, I have to remind myself exactly how good I had it. I have to allow myself to be able to enjoy every moment I have now, so I have to remove myself from the past. On a day like today,  I look around me and see all the new beginnings, and all the new changes. I see a brighter future, and a stronger me. 

On a day like today I stop and think, I could have ended it all before I got to a day like today. 

Our Schedule

So, as you guys know, we recently filmed a movie. We flew to Tulsa to take part in the CIY Kingdom worker movie. Ever since then, we have been really, really busy. We have been so excited for our upcoming projects, and we want to be able to do as much as we can.

Over the last few weeks we have realized how much we want to work for this. When we went to Tulsa, and got to talk with other students about what they did to stand up for what they believe in, and when they stood up for their faith, we were inspired to put more effort into what we do.

On March 14th, we took place in the #NOMOREday. It was a giant day were we all stood up to say no more to violence. We did this through social media, contacting governors, congress, and many other political leaders to ask for their support, and we even got the White house to sign  an extension on the VAWA document. It was a big day for us, and all the other organizations that stood with us. We couldn't have had more people willing to help, and we were so blessed with the support we got.

On March 17th we hosted the #SilenceEndsHere campaign on twitter to help spread awareness for women who are pushed into silence all around the world. We focused on the women who are in human trafficking, who are threatened, and who are scared into silence. It was a huge success, and we even had participation from the Verizon Foundation. That was a big hit for us!

On March 20th we launched the Gold Canyon Candle fundraiser, and it is a big hit! We will be selling the candles for the next 2 weeks, so make sure that you get them fast! We are using this to help with a violence awareness conference we will be holding. All the money will be used to spread awareness. (To order, email beautifullymade@violencenomore.com) We hope that this is a success!

We both have been so blessed by you guys, and by every one who has stood by our side. We hope that you all know how much you mean to Beautifully Made



                                        xoxoxo

Promise

I want to promise you something.

I can't promise that life will always be easy or pleasant, I can't promise that you will always have the most amazing memories. You will have really rough patches. You will loose faith, and you will get mad at the world. You will fight God, and you will walk away. I can't promise that you won't feel alone, and I can't promise that you will feel alone. I can't promise that you'll always be happy, and I can't promise you'll always be sad. There will be people that leave. I can't promise any one will stay. But that doesn't mean every one will leave either. You may not ever like the way you look, and you may not ever be flawless like the girl on the cover of Vogue. But you are beautiful. And the definition of beautiful doesn't include the word flawless.

I can only promise this. As long as there is a beat in your heart, and air in your lungs, you have a purpose. You have a God-given power within you that will allow you to over come the impossible. You are worth something. As long as there is pain, there is happiness. You will find someone who loves a beautiful heart not just a beautiful body. Patience will come to you, and you will find joy. You may not have the most money, or the best things, but you have enough to pull you through. No matter how little you have, there is always going to be someone with less then you. No matter how much you have, you will never buy your way to happiness. The key to success is selflessness. You won't be measured buy how nice of a car you had, or how many bedrooms your house had. You will be measured by the number of people you helped, and the amount of love you gave. Wisdom comes through experience, and you will use that to help people who are in your shoes. I can promise that you will always have a home, and your home will be where YOU make it. God will be there, waiting, even if you never come back. I can promise that you are worth something.

Seasons

You know that feeling when you let your guard down, but the moment you do, someone takes advantage? You know that feeling where everyday you wake up and see the person that you so desperately love, and they can't even look you in the eye? This doesn't have to be a romance type of love. This could be a dear friend, a close relative. Anyone you can feel rejection from. I'm going through that right now. It's not the first time. I have this problem of getting my heart attached to someone. I often choose the wrong people, at the wrong time. I have this problem of taking kindness for caring. There have been a handfull distinct people in my life that I have loved unconditionally, and in the end got hurt. I need to talk about them.

1. My mentor.
Her name was Tiffany. She was the woman I could go to for anything. She was the one that if I ever got into trouble, or ever needed to confess, I could go to her, and trust that I would get a hug, a prayer, and a discipline. I don't know what draws me to certain people. I don't know if it is their personality or what. But She was one of them. I was drawn to the support she could give me during a very damning time in my life. Tiffany was one of those people who no matter what you did, she could never make you feel guilty. I met her one year at my school, she was one of the women who came to talk to students, and we worked together for a few years. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to realize that she had left me too. When people that mean so much to you leave, it causes you to question yourself even more. This happened to me. I stood about a year without her before I let myself confess that I was hurt. It's a daily battle to allow myself to move on.

2. My coach
Her name was Kammy. She was my volleyball coach. She was different. Not loving, but harsh. When you needed someone, you could go to her though. She showed her soft side with me. But she went off the deep end. I miss her. She will always have an impact on my life, no matter what.

3. My friend.
Her name is Portia. She was my computer teacher. Her and I became friends around the time that I got diagnosed with cancer. She has been here for me through everything. This isn't a way I got hurt, but I don't see her a lot. We text and call, but we can't talk face to face very much. She means the world to me. But I know that there are just some people that you can't see a lot, but you have to remain friends to stay sane. That's the case with both of us. I know that this is something that she needs just as much as I do. Sometimes, even when you have someone who is there , it's hard to realize it.

4. My coworker.
Her name is Penelope. She doesn't have a clue. She doesn't know anything about me either. We simply, work together. That's all. This is a person who I am afraid to get too attached to. I feel myself, and I tell myself to stop. But I don't know how.

Some of the people in our life come in and leave suddenly, some stay a while, and some, they never really were there. A lot of my relationships end in a bad way. I think it may be simply because I am incapable of holding a normal relationship. It's hard for me to completely understand why we are given people who will eventually hurt us. But no matter the case, we have to trust that there are people who will change our lives forever. God will use these people for greatness in our lives. I hope that you can see that you're not the only one who feels like they have failed in relationships. I hope that you see that you're not alone, and someone will always understand.

xoxox

Self Help

Have you ever thought about yourself, and really evaluated the way that you work, think, and act? Have you stopped and thought to yourself, how am I doing? What do I need to do for myself? How can I learn more about myself?

I've done this a few times the past few weeks. I've stopped and thought about what I am doing to keep myself healthy while I try to keep others healthy. I don't want you to take this the wrong way. I love everything I do, I'm so blessed by people, and I look forward to the future that Beautifully Made has for me. But that doesn't mean that I'm perfect and that doesn't mean that I don't have bad days. With Beautifully Made, Kaylie and I had a decision to make. We could either be fake and pretend that we had no problems, had nothing to work past. Or we could tell the truth. Talk about what we had experienced, and what we felt. We decided to take that path. So here it goes.


 I get attached too easy. I love people who I know may never love me. My heart doesn't know how to put up walls. I get hurt too much. Everyone I have ever loved has left me. People don't like to be with me. And sometimes.. just sometimes, I fall for the same old tricks. I never realize how much I have given to someone, until I loose them. I have lost parts of my heart that I will never get back. I have a loving mom that will always be the strongest woman in my life, but there are wounds that even our most loved people give us. I want someone who I can be close to, tell anything to, and know that I don't have to worry about them leaving. I know my mom won't leave, but there are always things you can never tell your parents. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever hold a normal relationship. I always seem to mess it up. I blame myself for other's actions. I let my past determine my future. I wish someone would ask me what's really wrong so I could get it off my chest. But They don't...

I can't tell you how many things I have burned into my memory of things that were said or done.  A lot of times, this is what runs through our heads. Especially during hard times as it's been for me these past few weeks. It has been one emotional roller coaster after another. It is easy to let yourself get down during these hard times. I know, I have fallen guilty of that.

Here are 6 tips you can use to take care of yourself in difficult times

1. Get plenty of sleep.
 - It's been proven that the earlier you go to sleep, and the earlier you wake up, the better your mood is throughout the day. If you sleep the typical hours of 9:30 to 6:30-7, you can get 8-8 1/2 hours of sleep to help rejuvenate yourself.

2. Drink water
 - Water is something that you think you will always remember. But when you are stressed, some of the most important things that you think you won't forget, you end up not realizing you need it until it's too late.

3. Eat well.
 - Sometimes all you need to make sure that you can keep your health up, and keep your body functioning is healthy eating. It doesn't take much to cook healthy. Just make sure that you are getting enough to eat, and keeping your diet regular. You don't want to forget to eat, and end up passing out.

4. Do what YOU like
 - I like to write and draw. I sing and I listen to music. I use these things to get my energy out, and my attention off of things. It is therapeutic to me. Find something that is soothing and relaxing to you, and don't be afraid to do it. It will help refresh you in the middle of the day, and it will help you gain more knowledge about what you like and what your interests are.

5. Exercise
 - Walk, run, jog, swim, lift weights. Anything that will help you feel better, and helps you get energy and stress out. I jog when I am angry or stressed, and it helps me get all of my emotions out, and feel better. I don't have to worry about snapping, because all of that energy that I would be using to snap, is being pushed into my work out.

6. Talk
 - Let people in. Even if you get asked the same questions, or have to give the same answers. When people ask what's wrong, and volunteer their time to listen never let that offer go. They are always willing to help, and you need it. You shouldn't feel bad about it either. You deserve it.

I hope that you know how much you all mean to Beautifully Made. I can't express how much love and support we have gotten, and I consider each and every one of you friends. Friends through cause.

Much Love

xoxo

Heartsick Valentines

Today is valentines day. I got two stuffed monkeys from my mom, some chocolates, and a bouquet of flowers. It made me feel so special. My coworkers were all in a good mood, and we had fun working. I was lucky. But, all day long, there was this string tugging at my heart. As the day progressed, it tugged harder and harder.
It all started with a picture posted on instagram. My friend's father had put 18 red roses in her car on the dash board, and a box of chocolates, and then given her a bracelet that said 'daughter' that was in the shape of half of a heart, and he had one that said 'father'. His was the other half of the heart. This was a really sweet gesture. I envied that. My gift from my father was a two sentenced email. And then we got into a fight.
If my dad can't love me, then how is a boyfriend going to? I am really analytical of myself. I blame myself. I can help other people, but can't seem to take my own advice. I get attached to people, but don't have expectations of them. When they mess up, that just validates my point. Today was one of those days where you just wanted to blink and it would be over.
I know you probably don't want to read my complaints. After all, I'm who you're supposed to come to when you need to talk. But sometimes you need to heal the healers. And my form of healing is through writing. So I wrote something.

Heartsick Valentines

It's a heartsick valentines.

The old man is sitting in the booth. Today is his first without her. The mom watching her children play, it's their first with him gone. The family across the street will burry their father tomorrow. The girl behind the counter wishes he'd make today different. The woman in the black misses the bouquet. The man in the hospital room sits next to her bed, stroking her hair.

It's a heartsick valentines.

He walks out, knowing this is the last time he'll see her. The teacher tries not to cry as her student's laugh with joy. The man wrapping the flowers for customers just placed the ones for his mom on her grave. The woman at the coffee shop waits for her phone to ring. Waking her from this nightmare. She hope's she wasn't wrong about him.

It's a heartsick valentines.

Why can't today be different? Why can't we have one more chance to show each other what we feel? Why can't we just have a second chance to pretend like we didn't mess all of this up? Today was supposed to be happy. People are suffering. How do you take a moment to remember your love when you're running out of time?

Why is it a heartsick valentines?